Life is back to normal.

I'm already in my 3rd week of studies in MMU. Most of my STSD friends are now in their Uni starting a new life.

As for me here, nothing special really. Just wake up every morning to go to class, come back home, watch Anime, do tutorials, read up some books, attend meetings, choir practices, hang-out with my MMU friends once in a while, become driver for my 2 siblings,....that's all. Life is finally heading back on track.

Actually, I like this feeling of being back to normal. :)

离别

See this picture?? It's my class photo took in 2004 before our SPM. We went back to St.David to arranged tables and chairs for our SPM. That, was also our last opportunity to take a full class picture of 5sc1.

I really thank God for having given many unforgettable memories during my schooling years. My wonderful bunch of friends. I will never forget those days when we had to strive hard for our grades, slapping each others' back, teasing one another, quarrelling, fighting, sharing each others' jokes and problems,...etc etc... We had such wonderful times spent together!!

Now, all of my friends are leaving for their studies. One of my friend even cried because of this. After we all go for our studies (though I'm still in MLK MMU), we can hardly meet each other anymore. She's true... things will never be the same again without my friends around. Of course, I still have my MMU, church and other friends; but friends journeying with me from young is hard to find! Our bond is strong! Knowing the fact that they won't be staying in Malacca for long really hurts me. Though it might sound stupid, but I really felt like crying now! I can't bear the fact that I am about to be separated from my school friends from now. Yes, they will come back for their holidays, but still I WILL MISS THEM DEARLY!!!! oh, why can't we study together in a same class like before???? oh...... :(

Some of my friends will be leaving on this Saturday. I sure will be crying again because I just can't stand separation!!!! Deep in my heart, I want to wish my friends all the best in their future undertakings. I will always cherish the friendship we earn and it will not perish no matter what!

~*Though it's hard to let you go, in the Father's hands we know, that a life time's not too long...to live as friends*~

THANK YOU MY FRIENDS FOR MAKING MY LIFE BEAUTIFUL

A lesson about FORGIVENESS

Last Sunday, my church priest gave a very wonderful sermon about FORGIVENESS.

He started off with a lists of quotes. There were quotes from Mahatma Gandhi, Mother Theresa, George McDonald,... Many of them touched me!! I didn't know till then how powerful is the ability to forgive. It wasn't always an easy way for me to forgive people. Until now, I am still struggling to forgive some of my friends who have hurt me in the past. Often enough, I allow myself to go back to the shadows of the past and let it take over me. The sermon really did made a BANG on my head! It's time for me to wake up!! 'You will not be forgiven unless you learn to forgive', ' You will not experience love unless you learn to forgive', 'Don't expect people to forgive you until you forgive them',....etc... Wow!!! This is HARD!!! How??? How??? I have many things in my mind playing at that moment. Can I forgive others? and allow myself to be hurt again and forgive again and again?? Can I? I know it's not easy, but I have to try. Taking my first step is a very challenging one.

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.-- Mahatma Gandhi

Know all and you will pardon all. --Thomas A’Kempis

To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover the prisoner was you.—Unknown

Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you were. --Cherie Carter-Scott

He who cannot forgive breaks the bridge over which he himself must pass.--George Herbert

Forgiveness is a funny thing. It warms the heart and cools the sting. --William A. Ward

To err is human; to forgive is divine.-- Alexander Pope

Humanity is never so beautiful as when praying for forgiveness, or else forgiving another. --Jean Paul Richter

Forgiveness is choosing to love. It is the first skill of self-giving love. --Mahatma Gandhi

A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers. --Robert Quillen

Forgiveness is the giving, and so the receiving, of life. --George MacDonald

"If we really want to love we must learn how to forgive"-Mother Theresa

I WANT TO LEARN TO FORGIVE

Gamma year! Here I Come!!!

haha!! How r u all?? Long time no see lo! okok, I know my English is superbly broken....back to normal...

My 3 weeks long holiday is finally coming to an end. I really thank God that I didn't wasted all my time. During my holidays, I went for a 'Set Free' Retreat in Good Shepherd Seminary, badminton, 'yum char', MP & DP, PnW meetings with Kellyn, endless of CFM meetings, watching all kinds of Taiwan Young Teenage drama, bringing my relatives around Malacca...etc..So, I guess I didn't wasted all my time!!

Few days ago, I finally got my Beta 3rd sem results. I passed all my subjects, but my results are like SHIT!!! My CGPA is lower than 3.00!!! Oh my oh my...now how am I suppose to face my AA next sem??? Die!! DIE!!! I'm sure going to be drowned by all kinds of nasty remarks!!! Next semester, I'll be going up to Gamma year. Means I'm another year ahead now. Subjects are getting harder....If I continue with my current attitude of studying, I doubt that I can even get pass my 2.9+ CGPA. It's time for me to do something to save myself from this drastic mess!!! No more fooling around with friends, talking during lecture class, skipping tutorial works, fooling with my assignments, and doing some last minute study!!!!!

These were some of the plans me and Rachel had in mind to change for our next semester. We HAVE TO TRY OUR BEST in our studies starting from now!!! Wish us luck friends, we must not disappoint ourselves and our beloved parents.

A Tour with the Americans in Malacca

Yesterday, my aunties from KL decided to bring their American relatives to come to Malacca for a tour. MY aunt's car arrived at 10am while the other car (unfortunately spoiled at Seremban) arrived at 2pm. The earlier ones went to Bkt Beruang for their lunch earlier on. The latter ones unfortunately didn't had time for their lunch because they were rushing for time to go around Malacca. So, my dad brought his car to escort the other two cars around Malacca. We parked our car behind the OCBC bank car park and started our Malacca Tour. It was in the 3-4pm, the weather wasn't pleasing at all!!! Hot, hot and VERY HOT!!!! Obviously, the other 3 American Chinese relatives were having a hard time walking under the sun. Our 1st station was the Clock Tower. A very famous tourism spot in Malacca where all the tourists sure will stop by to buy some souvenirs or just take some pictures. Me and my sis even took the opportunity to take some funny snaps!! haha :P Then, our group splitted to two and I was supposed to bring them up the St.Paul's Hill. Then, here is the more exciting part! With a weather like this, nobody in the right mind will want to go up that hill because you not only have to bear with the hot weather, and you also have to climb up the stairs. Plus, the way up the hill is kinda long. Thinking twice, I decided to bring them there, seeing that it is one of the interesting part in Malacca Tourists spots. Sure enough, while on our way there, my poor outstation relatives were actually complaining under their breaths about having to climb up the stairs all the way up there and under the hot sun. As for me, I didn't really took notice of them because believe in 'No pain, no gain'. Anyway, this IS Malacca!!! Hot is our weather!! Besides, St. Paul's Hill IS a nice spot to go to!! Imagine the whole Malacca view is right in front of your eyes when you reach the top!! Doesn't that sounds satisfying??? However, I understand their feeling of Malacca. Sorry folks...this is Malacca...so, BEAR WITH IT OR LEAVE IT!!! At the top, my cute little relatives were having their fun time exploring the old church, watching some Portuguese singers singing, throwing coins into the wishing well (actually more like an empty graveyard; St. Francis used to lay there once). In order to motivate my fellow relatives to walk down the hill faster and more cheerfully, I told them about our newly opened Dataran Pahlawan Shopping Mall at the foot of the hill (I also added about the AC!!). Sure enough, their eyes went sparkling!!! Before going in DP, they stopped by to have some picture sessions at the A'Famosa and some cannons, rocks, iguana!! When we stepped into DP, we felt like stepping into heaven!!!! Those American relatives were showing signs of relief when they felt the cold air. i had to admit, it felt GREAT!!! After that, is SHOPPING time!!! Ladies went shopping, guys went loitering, kids went playing and the Malaccans did nothing....Since, I will be going shopping with my friends sooner or later, I just sat aside and watched over the kids and made sure my outstation relatives don't go lost. Still, at the end of their shopping spree, one of the American boy went missing and we had to search for him for near 30mins!! Phew~~ Thank God he has been found!!! Of course....back to the hot air...more complains...more sweat....we were heading back to our cars... Next station, we brought them to 'Tan Kim Hock'. My mum walked to Italy Bakery to buy them some tarts and 'sao pao'. Wow!!! We ate them heartily!! Finally ( I mean FINALLY!!!), they went to Pt. Kundur. Well, this place I don't have to explain much because I've been coming for camps in the Brother's Bungalow just opposite this beach and I'm quite familiar with it. It was sunset when we arrived. Me and my sis snapped some very nice sunset view at the beach and we were amazed at how beautiful our very own Malacca beach can look when we paid attention to it. After some sand and sea water kicking, we finally went back home (HOME HOME~~~~) We had our departure meal at home and they went back at 9 something at night. I managed to talk to the American guy before he went back to KL...hehe..*wink. Actually they were quite nice people, maybe we didn't had enough time to know more about each other. Their mum is a very elegant lady, her daughter is very fair and pretty while her son looks handsome; my aunt said he looks like Wu Yan Zhu-a Hong Kong actor. It was a very tiring day indeed!!!!

HAIL THE NEW AMERICAN IDOL-JORDIN SPARKS!!!!!

wohoooo~~!!!! Jordin Sparks is the American Idol 2007!!! YYeeesss!!! She is really a fantastic singer!!

Last nite when I heard her last song 'This Is My Now', I was really being swept away by her touching voice! At that moment, I knew that she will be the next American Idol!! Wow!! She is really awesome!! Great singer she is! And very young!! 17th only leh! Same age as my brother! Imagine that!

Her winning song-'This Is My Now', the lyrics indeed touched my heart.

This song was written for the American Idol Songwriter’s Competition, Scott Krippayne and Jeff Peabody came together to compose this very unique song. To be recorded by the next American Idol, Peabody had to say:

“I’m looking forward to being able to download one of my songs,” says Peabody, a church pastor who wrote the song with Scott Krippayne, a member of his New Day Church congregation. “It’s just very surreal. Something that was just an idea a few weeks ago has blossomed into this huge thing.”

Now here, is the song~

<This Is My Now>
There was a time I packed my dreams away
Living in a shell, hiding from myself

There was a time when I was so afraid
I thought I'd reached the end
Baby that was then
I am made of more than my yesterdays

This is my now, and I am breathing in the moment
As I looked around
I can't believe the love I see
My fears behind me, gone are the shadows and doubts
That was then, this is my now

Had to decide
was I going to play it safe
or look somewhere deep in inside
try to turn the tide
and find the strength to take that step of faith

This is my now, and I am breathing in the moment
As I look around I can't believe the love I see
My fears behind me, gone are the shadows and doubts
That was then, this is my now

And I have the courage like never before, yeah
I've settled for less but I'm ready for more
Ready for more

This is my now, and I am breathing in the moment
I look around I can't believe the love I see
My fears behind me, gone are the shadows and doubts
That was then, this is my now

I am breathing in the moment
As I look around
Can't believe the love I see
My fears behind me, gone are the shadows and doubts
That was then
This is my now
This is my now

P/S: Thank you Lord, for inspiring the people who wrote this song. I've learned a great lesson from the song.

I packed my dreams away when you tried me, hide myself in my own world, trying to avoid you and the things that I used to love. And I used to be so afraid, afraid that I might be hurt or being disappointed again, and I really thought that I have already reached the end of my journey serving you.

But you have let me see your plans. I am made more than my yesterdays. You gave me strength to carry on, and You casted all my fears, shadows and doubts away. You helped me in search of love and to part-take in the step of renewing my faith.

Now, I'm picking up the courage. I've settled for less, but I'm ready for more. This is my now. Thank you Lord!!

时间巴士

今天，我在我朋友的部落里读到了一篇非常感动的文章，想与大家分享！

它叫做－《时间巴士》

『时间巴士曾带我到绿油油的快乐草地，也到达过凹凸不平的山区小路。
路途中我都会感受到，与先下车的亲人分离的伤心。
路途中我都会感受到，达成目标成功的喜悦。
路途中。。。我也会感受到，失败挫折的失落。
但我还是要继续往未来前进，因为时间巴士不会为我而停下。』


这，只是那文章的一小段。不过，却句句诉说出我的心事。好真的一篇文章！！！！身为读者的我，不禁对着这文章而痛思一番。

日前，我因为一件小小的挫折，而变得自暴自弃。现在，回想起来，真的有一点的愚蠢。

人生的路，就有如这巴士走的那段路，一定有凹凸不平。在路程上，我一定会感受到与亲人的分离伤心，达成目标的喜悦还有失败挫折的失落感！ 我好苯！！！这么简单的一个人生道理，我都不明白,成天沉睡在自己的堕落里。心里一直以为一时的失败，会是永远的失败。一点点的挫折，将它视为一个永不可翻身的理由。

原来，我是一位那么没有远见的糊涂少女！ 一点的挫折都担当不起！！还说在未来要当什么女强人！！！天啊！！！！我的这些梦想还遥不可及！！！！心里素质还不够班啊！！！

话说回来，其实我也明白，在人生的道路上，我难免会遇到一些挫折。有些挫折，是为了要我好。所以，我决定勇敢地面对我那丑陋的一面，好好地战胜它！！！！！我，一定得将它打败！！否者，我在未来的人生道路上，别说要成为女强人吧，我看连面对生活上的小小问题都是种麻烦！！！

王晓薇，你好好地加油吧！！！！！别让自己看不起你自己！！！！积极地面对人生的一切吧！！！！ 干巴爹！！！！！

New Hair Colour!!!!!!!

Guess wat guys??? Mary has a new hair colour!!!! Yeah!!!

I reached the saloon at 1pm where the jie jie asked me to choose the colour I wanted to dye from a colour pallet. I wanted something like reddish brown hair colour. So, she introduced me a lighter version of it. At first I kinda resisted because I don't want it to turn out like an 'ah lian', but after some advises from her, I decided to follow.

Sitting on the chair with the hair dye spreading on my whole head was rather enjoying but irritating. Enjoy is because my head felt cool~~~ Irritating is because I can't stand sitting there for an hour!! Still, I managed to pull through.

As I was sitting on the chair waiting for the colour to be absorbed by my hair, I can't help myself but to look into the mirror to check out my hair colour. It looked really bright and I was so afraid that I will become a fake 'ah lian' after I washed my hair. So, I kept on asking the jie jie what will my hair be like. Will it be too bright???? She said no!!! It won't!! Cz my original hair colour is too dark that even with this bright colour I won't look too 'ah lian' In fact, the colour won't be too outstanding. Sure enough, after I rinsed my hair, it looked like it hasn't been dyed. My hair colour can only be seen unless it is directly under the sun. From far, you can't really spot the differences.

This is what I had planned!! A hair colour which can be seen at day but can slightly be seen at night!!! Phew~~ Luckily my mum and granny kinda liked it!!! In fact, me too!!!! Now, I just have to wait for another 2 days to wash my hair, so that the colour will last. Can't wait to shock my friends with my new hair look!!! haha!!!

MMMEEERRRRDDDDDEEEEEKKKKKAAAA!!!!!!!!

OK FOLKS!!! GUESS WAT???? I'M ALIVE TO ANNOUNCE-MMEERRDDEEKKAA!!!!! After a week of non-stop exams, I've finally finished all my course papers!!!! Yeah!!!! (though I still have French paper, but who cares!) Here is a summary of my perfotmace during my exams....ehemehem....!!! Get ready 4 da truth!

1st paper....Advanced Management English
Was rather crappy cz I donno wat 2 write for my 'darkness'. Founded out that actually Zheng Xian DID STUDY for literature and has plenty of tips for it. Too bad I din even knew he studied..If not, I think I would have scored.

2nd paper....MA!!!
PPl say I looked like my MA lecturer but in mind, I don't think so! If I were like her, I won't be leaving the hall cursing my MA paper rite? My cash budget was a disaster!!! Other than tat was still ok.

3rd paper-Finance (????)
Finance...the minute I looked at my notes I felt like falling asleep on it because it is sooooo BORING and FULL WITH FORMULAS!!!!! I hate dead subject with a lot to remember!!! The paper wasn't as hard as I thought. It was just ok 4 me. Hopefully I can score a pass on this paper.

4th paper aka THE HELL OF ACCOUNTING!!!!-FAR1
Like the name, hell is what we have to go through while studying this subject. It is the most fearsome subject for me and all I hope is nt to repeat my mistake in trimester 1 in my Fundamentals of Accounting paper. True by itself, it came out some questions which looked familiar but I still couldn't make any of my answers correct. When I finished the paper, I felt nothing and I really don't wanna care about it. We were 'ba' d!

5th paper-Macroecons!!!
Walau....I slept for only 2 hours leh!~~When that questions came out, I couldn't answer because what I've studied in the textbook couldn't be used to answer them. Die lor wa sommore. Tembak here tembak there my answers and try to make it sound normal to gain some marks!!! Hopefully the lecturer understands all my theories.

6th paper- French (nt yet!!!)
haha....this paper I haven't sit for it but I don really care cause it's kinda an easy paper for me!! As long that I used up my 5 days to study I don think it's much of a prob!!!

ok!! Tat's all for my Beta 3rd Trimester Finals!!! Time to say 'tata' and enjoy my holidays!!!~~ Lalalalalala~~~~

I wanna heal!! I wanna feel like I'm somewhere I belong!!!!

OK folks!! Here goes. I have finally see my mistakes and how it hurt me most of the time!!! I just feel like I wanna find back the real me. I mean- THE REAL LOVING ME!!!!! Like the song 'Amazing Grace', I once was lost but now I'm found, was blind but now I see. Yep, I see all my darkness! All I want now is just forgiveness and a chance to prove myself that I still do love you all!!!! I really mean it!!! Please give me a chance to prove that I do. I WANNA HEAL, FEEL AND FIND A PLACE I REALLY BELONG!!!!

This song does comes from the bottom of me heart!!!!

<>
(When this began)
I had nothing to say
And I get lost in the nothingness inside of me
(I was confused)
And I let it all to find
That I am not the only person with these things in mind
(Inside of me)
But all they can see the words revealed
Is the only real thing that I've got left to feel
(Nothing to lose)
Just stuck, hollow and alone
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own

I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real
I wanna let go of the pain I've felt so long
(Erase all the pain till it's gone)
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I'm close to something real
I wanna find something I've wanted all along
Somewhere I belong

And I've got nothing to say
I can't believe I didn't fall right down on my face
(I was confused)
Looking everywhere only to find
That's it's not the way I had imagined it all in my mind
(So what I am)
What do I have but negativity
'Cause I can't justify the way everybody is looking at me'
(Nothing to lose)
Nothing to gain, hollow and alone
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own

I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real
I wanna let go of the pain I've felt so long
(Erase all the pain till it's gone)
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I'm close to something real
I wanna find something I've wanted all along
Somewhere I belong

I WILL NEVER KNEW MYSELF UNTIL I DO THIS ON MY OWN
AND I WILL NEVER FEEL ANYTHING ELSE UNTIL MY WOUNDS ARE HEALED
I WILL NEVER BE ANYTHING TILL I BREAK AWAY FROM ME
I WILL BREAK AWAY, I'LL FIND MYSELF TODAY

I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real
I wanna let go of the pain I've felt so long
(Erase all the pain till it's gone)
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I'm close to something real
I wanna find something I've wanted all along
Somewhere I belong

I WANNA HEAL, I WANNA FEEL LIKE I'M SOMEWHERE I BELONG!!!!!!!
I WANNA HEAL, I WANNA FEEL LIKE I'M SOMEWHERE I BELONG!!!!!!!
SOMEWHERE I BELONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

我该放开了

挣扎了这么久，也想了这么久。。。。我终于也想开了。 老天爷，你说在打击中，您都可以带给我们利益和希望。我求求你。。。。。。带我脱离这个苦海，可以吗？？？我在你眼中的未来，还有希望吗？？？求你，在黑暗中带给我希望。谢谢。

Broken, yet fixed

I am broken, yet fixed! I have lost my way while trying to serve You. I seek fame and glory while all You wanted from me was just a sincere heart. A heart of kindness, love, humble and generous. I have failed....I have totally been blinded from all fame and glory. His righteousness saw my weakness and decided to pull me back to the right path.

I have gone astray while serving him. Why Lord have I become another person which I don't even know? Have I deceived myself? Have I deceived You???? I once longed to serve You whole heartedly without asking for reward and cost. Now, I started to become so selfish that I felt I am becoming more and more evil. I have lost Oh Lord....forgive me....for I don't know what have I done. I have lost all my love, humble, kindness and generosity....and now...I have nothing!!! I have lost the will to serve You....I am broken....felt like I am now in pieces....But, I knew if I wasn't into pieces....I will never see the scary self of mine....Now that I am aware of it....I felt afraid. I am afraid that You will abandon me and left me alone in pieces....Please don't let me die Oh Lord!!! I still want to serve You!!!! Tell me how???How can I get well again????When??? I have nothing left already!!!!

The pieces are broken, yet fixed!

A song of mine during times of despair

I was lost, despair, weak and don't know which way to go. Just when I thought of giving up all the talents that God has given me in serving him, I noticed I was wrong! He wanted me to see my weakness in me before I fall deeper into sin! Therefore, he sent me Rachel (my best friend) to help me to wake me up from my dreams and saved me!!!

This song was sung by Carrie Underwood in the Idols Gives Back last week. After hearing this song, I felt so touched by God's love in my life. How He had wanted to just stand by me in my daily lives and prevent me from falling-falling into deep sin. Thank you Lord. I praise Your most holy name with this song-'I'll Stand By You'.

Imagine that God is speaking to us through this song...it makes the whole song alive!!! Alleluia!!!

Oh, why you look so sad,
Tears are in your eyes,
Come on and come to me now.

And don't be ashamed to cry,
Let me see you through,
'Cause I've seen the dark side too.

When the night falls on you,
You don't know what to do,
Nothing you confess
Could make me love you less.

I'll stand by you,
I'll stand by you,
Won't let nobody hurt you,
I'll stand by you.

So, if you're mad, get mad;
Don't hold it all inside,
Come on and talk to me now.

And hey,
What you got to hide?
I get angry too,
Well, I'm a lot like you.

When you're standing at the crossroads
And don't know which path to choose,
Let me come along,
'Cause even if you're wrong,

I'll stand by you,
I'll stand by you,
Won't let nobody hurt you.

I'll stand by you,
Take me in into your darkest hour,
And I'll never desert you,
I'll stand by you.

And when, when the night falls on you, baby,
You're feeling all alone,
You won't be on your own.

'll stand by you,
I'll stand by you,
Won't let nobody hurt you.

I'll stand by you,
Take me in into your darkest hour,
And I'll never desert you.
I'll stand by you.
(repeat and fade)

I'm in the toughest phrase of my life

Last weekend I finally found out the really truth about myself. After all these time, I thought I was capable enough and serious enough but it turned out to be the exact opposite. When I asked about what they think about my capability, they said I wasn't decisive, serious enough ( in the sense that I am serious in times I'm not suppose to and vice versa), not daring to take risk and blur in times. Some of these points I agreed but some I don't. When saying about seriousness, I thought I was serious enough when I am handling my work. How can people judge according to what was in the past rather than what I have changed so far? I mean I can feel it myself that I am serious in taking up jobs now. How come you people never noticed it? I am so sad...I donno what to do...I am lost...feeling weak and hopeless now...Is that what others think of me? Am I such a failure in leading people??? Am I??? Friends, I invite you to evaluate me in this blog. Feel free to say what you want though some points might hurt me, but I know that this is for my own good.

Am I such a failure??? Am I that bad that I don't deserve the credit to be appreciated?? I am hurt. Day and night I have been trying very hard to accept these facts and I am still trying to get use to it and try to change. I have already lose hope in my capability of doing things...and all I ask for now is God to gave me strength.

Just now, I asked my mum. She told me that God's way of doing things is special. He wants us to do what we are incapable of, means what I am capable of I might not able to get it. And how sometimes I have to learn about humility. What my mum has said is true. I have too much pride in me and I never listen to others. I am too proud. That's why God want me to be humble. By doing this, only I will learn. Serving Him is really hard. He knows me too well even to my weakness. Now I realised what is this all about...Such a hard fall to make me realise such a huge mistake I have! It is hard to accept but I praise Lord for letting me fall in order to wake me up. If not, I think I will carry this stupid pride of mine until the end of my life. What a stupid person I am!! I am so hopeless!!! Really a sucker in life!! Where all these time I thought I was in the top of the world where everyone should only listen to my orders. Wrongs Mary, WRONG!!! This isn't what God wants from you. He wants you TO SERVE HUMBLY! At the same time, he also wants me to learn how to work with others despite of their age. Though this fall may be hard but at least He wants you to learn this LESSON OF LIFE!!!

Thank you Lord for letting me fall...I pray that You will grand me the strength to stand up again...

P/S: Friends, next time if you all noticed how bad am I in hadling things, please just tell me off without hesitation! I don't mind if you tell me off but I DO MIND if you come and tell me when it is too late.

Also, please pray for me as I am going through this tough phrase of life. Many thanks~~

yeah!! A day of rest!!

Yyyyyyyeeeeeesssssss!!!!! Finally!!! A Saturday nite of rest!!! I've been dreaming for this day to arrive and finally it's here!!!!

Most of my Saturday were either packed with church activities, friends outings, assignments meetings, meetings and club events. Phew~~most of my Saturdays just went past with a swift and Monday just come faster than i thought!!! I've been yearning for a nice Saturday rest at home where I can just stay at home with my family and watch TV. Tonight, my dream finally came true!!

Wow, must really appreciate tonight man!! Who knows when will be my next Saturday rest. After all, next Saturday I'll be having camp, then next Sat I'll be rushing for my studies, then next Sat will be another camp....etc etc etc...Wah!!! Really must appreciate this God gave night man!!

Okla....got to have a nice bath, eat my favorite curry chicken meal and watch Smallville!!! Hopefully that my friends will have a wonderful Saturday night too!!Ciao 1st!!

Fr Bala Orphanage Visiting

erm...1st of all, I would like to clarify that this picture I posted was taken in last year 2006 because the recent photos are not out yet. ehemehem! :P

Last Sunday the CFM decided to have a visiting to the Fatima Home. It has been an annual activity for us since last year. There, we had a wonderful time with the children. We started with action songs which brought the children to a high point, followed by an interesting 'Football' sketch. Then, it was games session. All of us (including the children) were having the time of our lives! There were ball kicking, dice throwing and flour blowing. What I enjoyed was looking at the children with their faces covered with flour!! haha!!! We all looked funny la!!! Our visiting ended up with the song 'Celebrate Jesus Celebrate, Come on and Celebrate'. Honestly, I really had quality time spent with the orphans there. They have made me see how optimistic they are in their life. Hence, I respect them.

I hope to get to visit them more often now or visit them annually!!!

P/S: Though after the visiting I was very tired but I feel that it is worth it!!! Thank You Lord!!!

oh heck! (last week story...now ok d..hehe)

What a week man...what a week!!! I've managed to annoy my friends till the boiling point! Isn't that a GREAT JOB??? Even I myself also cannot believe it! Well, when it came to the point I saw this so-called 'trying to annoy me message' in MSN, I wasn't annoy with my friend at all. Weird isn't it? Someone out there was sooooo annoyed with me and claiming that our friendship is not worth but here am I wondering the reason of my non-annoyance. However, I do felt disturbed by this message. All the time I was trying to ask myself should I be annoy or not. Then, to think properly, from my friend's point of view, there wasn't any mistake for his anger; neither do mine. Both of us were just focusing on different things and thought that our own event are important. When both important things met, conflict would appear. That is why I found no reason to be angry of this friend of mine. Still, if this friend was still angry of me, I also cannot do anything to reduce the anger. So, I decided to be just normal.

In class, there were obvious signs that this friend doesn't even want to know my existence. Oh whatever! I still greeted my friend cheerfully as usual and leave the anger to him to decide on his own. After class, I had my mission impossible to rush for-'Finance Assignment'!!! Whoa!!! It was a moment of happiness and fear. Fear was because I was afraid all the pieces of details won't fit; happy is because in the end with our teamwork, we finally managed to hand up our assignment in time. The feeling of satisfaction was awesome!

Finally, I've decided to thank all my team members who helped me out in this assignment. So, one by one, I thanked them with my whole heart. Here came the time where this friend of mine is in my team. Then, I thought of not saying thank you since this friend has already stated that our friendship doesn't worth. But then, to think again, is it worth that I just blow this friendship away without giving a try to fix this situation? After all, which friendship doesn't face challenges? So, I plucked up the courage (this friend nearly ran away after the class, phew~what a catch!), managed to say a big 'thank you' and a friendly smile. Wow, at that time, I was really free!! The reason? Just purely free from hatred!! Since it was a risk, I did thought it might turn from bad to worst.

But then, once again, the Lord has showed me in many ways, that forgiveness is everything. Sometimes, just a simple smile and a heart full of thanks will turn an awful situation to a nice situation. Funny, how human minds can control their feelings. When you feel angry, you feel angry. If during your state of anger, your enemy just step in with a smile and talk to you nicely, suddenly things seem to be clear! See, now I finally understand how powerful is a smile and a 'thank you' could change any body's day! A smile and a 'Thank You' can make your day shine!!! This is true!! I've tested and experienced it!!!

So, to everyone out there, give each other a warm smile and a big hug or even a heartfelt 'Thank You'!!!!! Thank You everyone!!! muakssss!!!! :)

It has been a day of depress after yesterday night. My mind just kept on thinking of the things that is happening around me. I ended up moody the whole day. At school, some of my frends are still annoyed of me because I didn't helped out in the preparation. Sighs~can't blame them anyway. Then, I had my sleepers spoiled while I was on way my to class. What a day!

I hate the world and the world hates me

What have I done to deserve this? Did I do anything wrong?? How come it seems that everyone in this world is starting to hate me?? CFM, church members, school mates, close friends,..etc... It seems that I'm changing from bad to worse, and I had just did something terribly wrong to them.

What have I done??? I really don't know. For school mates that hate me because I didn't helped out much in the preparation for Culture Night. Ok, I admit, it was my fault. I should have withdraw long time ago if I knew that I won't be with you guys in the most important preparation day. I left you all in the hall and let you guys struggled with all the decoration stuffs. So, I'm sorry. This is truly my fault. I know that no matter how, now you all have a bad image about me. Fine, go on with it, I don't mind because I deserved it anyway. Go ahead if you all want to scold, criticise or whack me. As long as you all can forgive me and accept me back as a friend. But, I have to clarify that I have no regrets of sending 'that sms' to ZX during this afternoon. What I have messaged, I have messaged. I meant every single word I wrote in the sms. My situation at that time was like on a rocking bridge. Which ever way I choose, I will fall drastically. I had to bear commitment to you all, my church and family. Till the end, I cannot find a way to satisfy everyone of them. If anyone is smart and experience enough, please do come and teach me how to do, because I am totally lost now. Choosing either one of them, will hurt the others. Plus, please bear in mind that all the promises I have made was from my very own self and I do know of the consequences. Please don't be mistaken that I haven't thought of what I have said to you all. Therefore, I am willing to accept whatever punishment you guys might think of. Just do it, I'm ok with it.

When it comes to CFM, I was really upset. How can such a lovely youth group that I had once loved dearly had changed? or was it that I am the one changing?? How come nobody dare to come up and tell me??? If you guys think that you all are so smart, then go ahead without me!!! Sometimes I am so pissed off with the way you all do things!! You all only inform those who are closer to you and ignore those who are not so close. I am in the category of both. What's that suppose to be?? That I sometimes can be informed and sometimes no need?? Who do you guys think you are? The only reason that I'm still in the group is because I have once promised 'Someone' (This person is no joke k!) that no matter what is the challenge I may face while serving this group, I will never leave. Just right after I've made this promise, everything starts to become a mess!! I started to hate somebody in the group and my relationship with other team members has started becoming cold. I never talked to them as I used to be anymore. Somethings I shut away from them but they also never tell me the truth sometimes, then how am I suppose to be honest to them all? Then someone in the group tend to talk to me but in actual fact, super bo-song me already. Yea, fine!! Have it your way then! After all, I hate you!!! Soooooooooo hate you!!!!!! Until know I also don't know why am I still faking myself to talk to you. When it comes to things for discussion, my ideas are normally pushed aside and what you guys say is the correct one. But then do you all know that by the end of the meeting, you all will 'unconsciously' stick back to my earlier proposed idea and claim it as you own!!! Wow!!! I am so pissed off right now!! What's the purpose of me serving while my ideas are normally being label as in-appropriate? Now, I really feel that I can't work with you all already. Maybe, it is the time that I'm suppose to quit ( I know that somebody is super happy when he/she knows about it). Since that, I'm no longer usable in the team. Do you all know that I am so heartbroken right now? I'm so sad...so sad...yet too annoyed to tell you all!!!! Please man, I want back my old days of laughter in the team in order for me to carry on my duty. If not, I might...who know...quit? Yea, when the day comes, I will. Don't worry too much. By then you can have all your free way and do everything as your wish.

To sum up everything, I am really disappointed with how not understanding of the ones that know me. I've been together with you guys long enough to know my true self,yet you all never seem to respect me. Why am I being treated like this all the time? Since young, I've been treated by all those around me like that as well. That's why I've never dared to trust my friends totally because I'm afraid that they might hurt my feelings. As usual, I will be the one crying and you all will not border. Friends are friends forever, I love CFM,...will these be true? I really don't know right now. Only God knows. Hopefully, He will have a solution for me.

JESUS CHRIST IS RISEN!!! ALLELUIA!!!

Rejoice!! For our Lord Jesus has risen from the dead!!! Alleluia!!!

On Good Friday, I was in a mood of silent. At the same time I also tried to fast from all my favourite food, drinks and hobbies, like net surfing and watching TV. It was quite a torture for me but I felt it was worth it, because we get to experience how hard it is for others to live without all of these facilities; and to remind me of how lucky I am. Friday started out with many silent meditation, fasting, station of the cross and Good Friday services. All standing and kneeling down almost killed me! However, like I said, it was worth while.

Then on Saturday, I left to MMU round 9:20am for Japanese Culture Night decoration. Sighs~~ I have to admit that I am really not committed enough because I can't be there to help them most of the time. It was Easter Vigil, I had to go to church for this grand occasion. Moreover, I was one of the singers for that night.How could I split myself? While practicing the songs in church I still thought of my friends who were busy working out the decorations in MMU. Yea, it's a hectic job and not everyone can stand it. Especially when they meet members like me...sighs~~ they must felt like tearing me apart. But how?? I've thought so many ways and couldn't find a perfect solution. Is this meant that I'm not suitable to hold any working committee post in MMU and serve only CFM? oohhh!!! I really don't know!! I'm really torn between these two. In the end, I can only pick one. Till now, I still don't know which to choose.

Our singers tonight (Saturday night at Easter Vigil) sang well and the musicians were superb!!! Thanks everyone for making this night a success!!! I will remembered the process of hardship before we achieve this sweet success!!! Thank you, Lord!

Once again. HAPPY EASTER!!!

啊！！！考试完了！！！晔！

哗，好久没在部落里留言了因为最近为了忙考试而没时间上网。真好！！我终于在昨天的四月四号结束了我的考试长跑。虽然只不过是年中考试，但至少我可暂时放下心中大石，过些没考试压力的大学生活。没考试的感觉真棒！！！！

昨晚，我到圣方济教堂去告解。我也终于将挣扎好久的心事一一地说出。心中的结也得到了解放。Praise the Lord!!!! 现在，我会尽量的保持沉默来迎接复活节的到来。希望在这几天，我不会犯下什么大错吧！

说道我这考试长跑，我可真累死了！！征服了一波又一波的考试，有时也难免受到挫折。有时当我在深夜里熬夜时，很想放弃读书！不想读了！！可是想到爸爸妈妈含辛茹苦地让我读大学，便咬紧牙根地拼下去。

在以为可松口气时，MMU又搬来了一大堆的Assignments!!!! 哇！！！好刻薄啊！！！！这边辛苦了，那边又来！待我赶完这些Assignments 之后，年终大考又在向我招手了。天啊！！！

My feeling towards SOME POEPLE!!

Today, I had the most tiring day in MMU. After church round 12:30pm, I'm suppose to help out in MMU for decorations. Since time is short, I rushed to the hawker centre and bought packets of 'zhap fan' for lunch and rushed to Elaine's house. I was using my mother's car. It was quite lucky that I do so because Elaine had many other big decoration things to carry and my mum's car is big enough to carry them all once. Then, we went to JJ to buy chocolate paper for our decoration. Well, I can say that having a car is so fantastic!

In MMU, Elaine, me, Zheng Xian, Jasmine and Michelle each had our own job to do. Me and Elaine were drawing, cutting and pasting the tree trunk while the other 3 were crumpling tissue papers. All of these items are to use for later as materials for our blossom tree. It was such a tiring job!!! We had to squad down most of the time and decorate it! Even when we reached the part of simply pasting up our so-called 'blossoms' (which was actually all the crumpled tissue papers)! Though sitting down, our hands didn't stop moving! All of us were working hard! What I am most disappointed was when some of the committees came in and saw that some of us were taking a short break from out job and claimed that we weren't doing our job! How can they accused us like that? Is just happened that we were taking a break while they came by! Haven't they know that we were having a hard time decorating our partition? Our sweat, groans, pain, worries and difficulties, did they ever know? I even felt that all our efforts won't be appreciated by them! Oh, how can they!!!! I was SO pissed off at that time!!!!

Luckily, I managed to sneak back home to take my 30 mins bath and dinner. My parents were complaining that I'm not spending enough time for my studies. Haven't they understand that University life is not all about study? Life is so boring if I were to be a NERD!! Round 8:30pm, all working committees were to gather in a small lecture hall for our event briefing. Shockingly, I only knew that tomorrow is our event opening ceremony! Oops, my fault, sorry! Yea, finally the boiling point arrived. I wasn't really pleased by the way the leader treated us and also some of their branch leaders. Those branch leaders were also sharing the same kind of burden as them and why are they treating them as though they are their servants that must do all the leader's bid dings? Aren't we all a BIG FAMILY??? If so, why am I not feeling welcomed and accepted by them? How come there isn't a tinge of warmth in my heart? If we ARE a FAMILY, I assumed that at least all our hard work would be appreciated but not always criticizing the working com ms for not doing our job. Selling cultural night tickets are different from selling movie tickets. We can't force people to come and watch a culture which they are not familiar with. Chances of meeting people with this certain kind of interest is low and even there is, those people are already in the committee!!! How are we supposed to sell out that much? Yes, I agree that with our man power we can sell a lot, but have they considered from the buyers' point of view? Many of them are students and some of them are having exams, projects, assignments at this peak period of time. Even if I could find some people who are interested to come for the night, they also can't give me an absolute answer because they are still considering. I still can't imagine why people can force the committee so hard to sell tickets and saying that they are not doing their job. I don't feel this is a way to motivate us. Instead, they are like killing our confidences and spirit. Why man? Don't have to do that! We know our job and we ARE doing it!!! We are trying our best to do our job!!! Can't you guys think from our point of view before coming into a conclusion? Care for us a little and you'll understand!! You said we ARE A BIG FAMILY!!!

Sometimes I feel that it's not easy to become a leader which everyone respects. You may be the brightest student in the class but you cannot portray a leader's quality, is just like putting sheep skin on a lamb. What a good leader must have is the most basic of all-personal relationship and delegation. A good leader will never come into conclusion before they tell somebody off. Besides, good leaders will know when to motivate team members and make them feel their work are being appreciated, not condemning all the way!!!! Moreover, leaders will know good manners!!! When people do work for them, they will say 'thanks!!!' and end up with a sincere smile :) !!! Come on, it's just so simple!!! And then people will start to like you!!! Then, delegation. I don't think I want to further elaborate on this delegation topic because I believe every leader know about it and how to do it. The most important thing is, never pressure the members too much until they can't stand the workload! Yes, becoming a leader is not easy but these basics are a MUST!!!! If not, I find it hard to work along with other members. All it counts is what comes from the inside. If we can do such a grand event but the committees are not united, all of these would be just a say; not a solid legend.

All of us can be leaders, but can we become a great leader??? Is always a question mark in our hearts.

Long and Tired Day

Today had a long day in MMU. Classes followed by classes until 5:30pm. Then I had to rush to church for Station of the Cross followed by mass. After that straight went for Core Team Meeting. Phew~~ Life's a rush man! I nearly fall on the floor to sleep while during the Station. Thank God I still got energy to sing!

I still haven't started my FRS revision...die~~!!! How I hoped I got half the Gilbert's brain and a quarter of Gah Hung's brain! Then I can study easily! But then...back to reality....study la....

Kla, I wanna zz d....before I pengsan in front of the book....Wish me luck in my FRS revision!! I need them a lot!!!

~*Things are finally getting back to normal*~

Today, I had to rushed all my way to MMU coz I was actually late for my fliers giving turn at CLC at 12pm. I was 5 mins late (as usual...Malaysians~~). Luckily, there weren't any fliers left at that time and Calvin had to take from the photostat shop near the hostel which was packed with students during lunch break. Grabbing the opportunity, I went to the bank to withdraw some cash planning to pay for my Reader's Digest subscription. Today was the LAST DAY!! How can i missed it?! I must get my hands on my fav magazine!!!

After a few rounds of distributing fliers (yeah...finally Calvin came in with 1000++ fliers....), and some sneaking to the photostat shop (for my ID copy), I finally could passed up my subscription form to the uncle! Though he reckoned Times Magazine instead but I still orb ed for my Reader's Digest.

Class today was as boring as can be. I learned Fiscal Policy and had quite a hard time trying not to doze off. Thank God for Jim to help me to take down notes! (actually he wanted it for himself!) During my 5 mins break, I finally went and bought myself a hairband, vodoodoll and a fluffy HP bag!! I felt damp satisfied!! Really nice!!! :P

At night, I went for my Precious Session. It was about how to do the daily prayers from a prayer book! Me and Cornelia were actually STUDYING the book and found it quite interesting! (IF you've have the free time to actually practice it!!). I felt it was a fruitful session though I don't think I'll pray for 3 hours a day.

Then, on my way back, I saw this familiar car...sighs~~~ That car does brings back a lot of memories man....happy, very happy, slowly not happy, no more happy, tears, more tears, heartbreak, and NOW- Pinches of heartache. Sighs~~ time DOES flies! After so many months, so many things have changed. The feeling of me starring at the car from my window compared from last time and now is totally different. Yes, things are finally falling back into place. I once thought that this day would never come and finally it has arrived! Swiftly without a sound, it has arrived! My wounded heart is now slowly mending. Just waiting for the day for me to get heal totally!! Well, I also hoped for that day to come. Where I can breath fresh air, sing my heart out, feel the people around me and what's more! To be able to trust somebody and to fall in love again. I'm sure that's what every brokenhearted people longs for. A freedom of heartache!

That's all for today! I've got a FRS Exam comin and classes tomorrow. Gambateh!! Nitezzz!

我又有新歌了！！！

过了好久，我也渐渐地开始放手了。从此，开始学习坚强地生活下去。

这首歌是续上回我伤心时的另一首歌。虽然不是什么自创的，但够我作为日后的警惕！

这首歌叫做－心太软

你总是心太软 心太软

独自一个人流泪到天亮

你无怨无悔的爱着那个人

我知道你根本没那么坚强

你总是心太软 心太软

把所有问题都自己扛

相爱总是简单相处太难

不是你的就别再勉强

夜深了你还不想睡

你还在想着他吗？

你这样痴情到底累不累？

明知他不会回来安慰。。。。。。

只不过想好好爱一个人

可惜他无法给你满分

多余的牺牲他不懂心疼

你应该不会只想做个好人！

喔,算了吧！

就这样忘了吧！

该放就放

再想也没有用

傻傻等待

他也不会回来

你总该为自己想想未来！！！