Last weekend I finally found out the really truth about myself. After all these time, I thought I was capable enough and serious enough but it turned out to be the exact opposite. When I asked about what they think about my capability, they said I wasn't decisive, serious enough ( in the sense that I am serious in times I'm not suppose to and vice versa), not daring to take risk and blur in times. Some of these points I agreed but some I don't. When saying about seriousness, I thought I was serious enough when I am handling my work. How can people judge according to what was in the past rather than what I have changed so far? I mean I can feel it myself that I am serious in taking up jobs now. How come you people never noticed it? I am so sad...I donno what to do...I am lost...feeling weak and hopeless now...Is that what others think of me? Am I such a failure in leading people??? Am I??? Friends, I invite you to evaluate me in this blog. Feel free to say what you want though some points might hurt me, but I know that this is for my own good.

Am I such a failure??? Am I that bad that I don't deserve the credit to be appreciated?? I am hurt. Day and night I have been trying very hard to accept these facts and I am still trying to get use to it and try to change. I have already lose hope in my capability of doing things...and all I ask for now is God to gave me strength.

Just now, I asked my mum. She told me that God's way of doing things is special. He wants us to do what we are incapable of, means what I am capable of I might not able to get it. And how sometimes I have to learn about humility. What my mum has said is true. I have too much pride in me and I never listen to others. I am too proud. That's why God want me to be humble. By doing this, only I will learn. Serving Him is really hard. He knows me too well even to my weakness. Now I realised what is this all about...Such a hard fall to make me realise such a huge mistake I have! It is hard to accept but I praise Lord for letting me fall in order to wake me up. If not, I think I will carry this stupid pride of mine until the end of my life. What a stupid person I am!! I am so hopeless!!! Really a sucker in life!! Where all these time I thought I was in the top of the world where everyone should only listen to my orders. Wrongs Mary, WRONG!!! This isn't what God wants from you. He wants you TO SERVE HUMBLY! At the same time, he also wants me to learn how to work with others despite of their age. Though this fall may be hard but at least He wants you to learn this LESSON OF LIFE!!!

Thank you Lord for letting me fall...I pray that You will grand me the strength to stand up again...

P/S: Friends, next time if you all noticed how bad am I in hadling things, please just tell me off without hesitation! I don't mind if you tell me off but I DO MIND if you come and tell me when it is too late.

Also, please pray for me as I am going through this tough phrase of life. Many thanks~~