What have I done to deserve this? Did I do anything wrong?? How come it seems that everyone in this world is starting to hate me?? CFM, church members, school mates, close friends,..etc... It seems that I'm changing from bad to worse, and I had just did something terribly wrong to them.
What have I done??? I really don't know. For school mates that hate me because I didn't helped out much in the preparation for Culture Night. Ok, I admit, it was my fault. I should have withdraw long time ago if I knew that I won't be with you guys in the most important preparation day. I left you all in the hall and let you guys struggled with all the decoration stuffs. So, I'm sorry. This is truly my fault. I know that no matter how, now you all have a bad image about me. Fine, go on with it, I don't mind because I deserved it anyway. Go ahead if you all want to scold, criticise or whack me. As long as you all can forgive me and accept me back as a friend. But, I have to clarify that I have no regrets of sending 'that sms' to ZX during this afternoon. What I have messaged, I have messaged. I meant every single word I wrote in the sms. My situation at that time was like on a rocking bridge. Which ever way I choose, I will fall drastically. I had to bear commitment to you all, my church and family. Till the end, I cannot find a way to satisfy everyone of them. If anyone is smart and experience enough, please do come and teach me how to do, because I am totally lost now. Choosing either one of them, will hurt the others. Plus, please bear in mind that all the promises I have made was from my very own self and I do know of the consequences. Please don't be mistaken that I haven't thought of what I have said to you all. Therefore, I am willing to accept whatever punishment you guys might think of. Just do it, I'm ok with it.
When it comes to CFM, I was really upset. How can such a lovely youth group that I had once loved dearly had changed? or was it that I am the one changing?? How come nobody dare to come up and tell me??? If you guys think that you all are so smart, then go ahead without me!!! Sometimes I am so pissed off with the way you all do things!! You all only inform those who are closer to you and ignore those who are not so close. I am in the category of both. What's that suppose to be?? That I sometimes can be informed and sometimes no need?? Who do you guys think you are? The only reason that I'm still in the group is because I have once promised 'Someone' (This person is no joke k!) that no matter what is the challenge I may face while serving this group, I will never leave. Just right after I've made this promise, everything starts to become a mess!! I started to hate somebody in the group and my relationship with other team members has started becoming cold. I never talked to them as I used to be anymore. Somethings I shut away from them but they also never tell me the truth sometimes, then how am I suppose to be honest to them all? Then someone in the group tend to talk to me but in actual fact, super bo-song me already. Yea, fine!! Have it your way then! After all, I hate you!!! Soooooooooo hate you!!!!!! Until know I also don't know why am I still faking myself to talk to you. When it comes to things for discussion, my ideas are normally pushed aside and what you guys say is the correct one. But then do you all know that by the end of the meeting, you all will 'unconsciously' stick back to my earlier proposed idea and claim it as you own!!! Wow!!! I am so pissed off right now!! What's the purpose of me serving while my ideas are normally being label as in-appropriate? Now, I really feel that I can't work with you all already. Maybe, it is the time that I'm suppose to quit ( I know that somebody is super happy when he/she knows about it). Since that, I'm no longer usable in the team. Do you all know that I am so heartbroken right now? I'm so sad...so sad...yet too annoyed to tell you all!!!! Please man, I want back my old days of laughter in the team in order for me to carry on my duty. If not, I might...who know...quit? Yea, when the day comes, I will. Don't worry too much. By then you can have all your free way and do everything as your wish.
To sum up everything, I am really disappointed with how not understanding of the ones that know me. I've been together with you guys long enough to know my true self,yet you all never seem to respect me. Why am I being treated like this all the time? Since young, I've been treated by all those around me like that as well. That's why I've never dared to trust my friends totally because I'm afraid that they might hurt my feelings. As usual, I will be the one crying and you all will not border. Friends are friends forever, I love CFM,...will these be true? I really don't know right now. Only God knows. Hopefully, He will have a solution for me.
What have I done??? I really don't know. For school mates that hate me because I didn't helped out much in the preparation for Culture Night. Ok, I admit, it was my fault. I should have withdraw long time ago if I knew that I won't be with you guys in the most important preparation day. I left you all in the hall and let you guys struggled with all the decoration stuffs. So, I'm sorry. This is truly my fault. I know that no matter how, now you all have a bad image about me. Fine, go on with it, I don't mind because I deserved it anyway. Go ahead if you all want to scold, criticise or whack me. As long as you all can forgive me and accept me back as a friend. But, I have to clarify that I have no regrets of sending 'that sms' to ZX during this afternoon. What I have messaged, I have messaged. I meant every single word I wrote in the sms. My situation at that time was like on a rocking bridge. Which ever way I choose, I will fall drastically. I had to bear commitment to you all, my church and family. Till the end, I cannot find a way to satisfy everyone of them. If anyone is smart and experience enough, please do come and teach me how to do, because I am totally lost now. Choosing either one of them, will hurt the others. Plus, please bear in mind that all the promises I have made was from my very own self and I do know of the consequences. Please don't be mistaken that I haven't thought of what I have said to you all. Therefore, I am willing to accept whatever punishment you guys might think of. Just do it, I'm ok with it.
When it comes to CFM, I was really upset. How can such a lovely youth group that I had once loved dearly had changed? or was it that I am the one changing?? How come nobody dare to come up and tell me??? If you guys think that you all are so smart, then go ahead without me!!! Sometimes I am so pissed off with the way you all do things!! You all only inform those who are closer to you and ignore those who are not so close. I am in the category of both. What's that suppose to be?? That I sometimes can be informed and sometimes no need?? Who do you guys think you are? The only reason that I'm still in the group is because I have once promised 'Someone' (This person is no joke k!) that no matter what is the challenge I may face while serving this group, I will never leave. Just right after I've made this promise, everything starts to become a mess!! I started to hate somebody in the group and my relationship with other team members has started becoming cold. I never talked to them as I used to be anymore. Somethings I shut away from them but they also never tell me the truth sometimes, then how am I suppose to be honest to them all? Then someone in the group tend to talk to me but in actual fact, super bo-song me already. Yea, fine!! Have it your way then! After all, I hate you!!! Soooooooooo hate you!!!!!! Until know I also don't know why am I still faking myself to talk to you. When it comes to things for discussion, my ideas are normally pushed aside and what you guys say is the correct one. But then do you all know that by the end of the meeting, you all will 'unconsciously' stick back to my earlier proposed idea and claim it as you own!!! Wow!!! I am so pissed off right now!! What's the purpose of me serving while my ideas are normally being label as in-appropriate? Now, I really feel that I can't work with you all already. Maybe, it is the time that I'm suppose to quit ( I know that somebody is super happy when he/she knows about it). Since that, I'm no longer usable in the team. Do you all know that I am so heartbroken right now? I'm so sad...so sad...yet too annoyed to tell you all!!!! Please man, I want back my old days of laughter in the team in order for me to carry on my duty. If not, I might...who know...quit? Yea, when the day comes, I will. Don't worry too much. By then you can have all your free way and do everything as your wish.
To sum up everything, I am really disappointed with how not understanding of the ones that know me. I've been together with you guys long enough to know my true self,yet you all never seem to respect me. Why am I being treated like this all the time? Since young, I've been treated by all those around me like that as well. That's why I've never dared to trust my friends totally because I'm afraid that they might hurt my feelings. As usual, I will be the one crying and you all will not border. Friends are friends forever, I love CFM,...will these be true? I really don't know right now. Only God knows. Hopefully, He will have a solution for me.
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