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Cheng Heights from the poolside view.jpg)
I bet it has been ages since I posted my last post!
2day I went to Cheng Heights to play badminton with my bro and frens as usual. 4-6pm, every Sunday, never fail!
I was very disturbed by certain relationship issues (be it friendship, love, work or family) after mass. I was constantly thinking back of how I get myself involved into this. 'What IF I did like him? What IF I did something to hurt him bak?? What IF he doesn't want me as his fren anymore! What IF my attitude affects my working performance? What IF my miseries will never fade and I'm being left to die alone in agony??? What IF, WHAT IF WHAT IF!!!!!!!!!!!!!'
AAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! At half way of the match, I couldn't hold it any longer. I went up to the swimming pool floor to spend sometime to calm myself down. It has been ages since I actually spend time for myself. Being alone at the attic, I had the whole place for myself , except there were a few ppl swimming, bt they weren't that noisy, so i can still had my own private space.
At the attic, I spent a long time thinking back how did all of these problems started! It started from a very wrong interpretation of my super-smart mind! 'Guys treating me good/ a bit close with me= have feelings towards me'! Oh gosh....there goes my friendship ever since! We used to be good frens...n because of this very small (or BIG) misunderstanding, I've traded my friendship to dooms day! I've been constantly blaming myself ever since that day I had feelings towards this person...my life has changes (I wasn't as happy as before, I hated by the sight of that person and sometimes the people around him!) Why...oh why did such a wonderful friendship has ended in such a state!!!!! It's my fault, MY FAULT!!!!!!!
I shouldn't had like him!!! I should have treated him as my Buddy or what so ever!!!! Bt WHY did I put feelings into it!!!! Argh!!!!! I hate myself!!!!!!!
Now (unfortunately the cat get out of the bag), we both are like swore enemies! When times are good, we talk, joke and laugh! When times are bad (which happens a lot), we ignore each other, turn one blank eye or roll eyes at each other...the worst was bickering at each other! Sighs~ such an ending....it breaks me heart....It breaks me because I've sent my friendship into the hounds of hell!!!!! And the worst part is we can never be the same as we were b4 anymore!!!! Sob....sob....I can cry and cry....to mourn for this broken relationship, bt wat's the purpose??? What has happened has happen! We can't change anything of it!!!!!
To think of this transition...from 2 lovely friends that used to joke around, feeling happy at each other's presence, honest, open, shared each others feelings and thoughts, filling each other up in the latest outings...making sure none of us miss out.... UNTIL NOW, gloating at the presence of each other, ignoring each other, making sure that we both won't know what the other is doing, making sure that we for sure will miss out each other's outing, doubt, hate, not willing to talk to each other...etc....etc.......
Why??? Why has my friendship took such a nasty turn????? Why.....I can only do is cry...crying over spilt milk! Sigh~ my friends have told me not to even bother of this relationship anymore...Bt I remembered 'Friends are friends forever, if the Lord's the Lord of them'....I used to adore this song, how true the lyrics seems to be. Bt now, I detest this song! This song was sung at the beginning of this friendship, bt now....this song doesn't seem to mean anything to anyone of us anymore.
God, what should I do with this friendship???? I wanna keep this friendship, bt it seems none of us are willing to co-operate and the environment is forbidding us to do so....If it's Ur will to want us to end this friendship Oh Lord...Pls do it in a nice way. I don wanna be haunted by the thought tat I'm the one ruined this friendship anymore! I'm so tired....so heavily burdened....and lost! In my down times...I don even feel like keeping this friendship anymore! I'm sick and tired Oh Lord, Please help me~!
The thing that hurts the most...........IS LOSING A FRIEND!!!!!!!!!!
Learn from my mistake readers, never fall in love with your close friend!
2day I went to Cheng Heights to play badminton with my bro and frens as usual. 4-6pm, every Sunday, never fail!
I was very disturbed by certain relationship issues (be it friendship, love, work or family) after mass. I was constantly thinking back of how I get myself involved into this. 'What IF I did like him? What IF I did something to hurt him bak?? What IF he doesn't want me as his fren anymore! What IF my attitude affects my working performance? What IF my miseries will never fade and I'm being left to die alone in agony??? What IF, WHAT IF WHAT IF!!!!!!!!!!!!!'
AAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! At half way of the match, I couldn't hold it any longer. I went up to the swimming pool floor to spend sometime to calm myself down. It has been ages since I actually spend time for myself. Being alone at the attic, I had the whole place for myself , except there were a few ppl swimming, bt they weren't that noisy, so i can still had my own private space.
At the attic, I spent a long time thinking back how did all of these problems started! It started from a very wrong interpretation of my super-smart mind! 'Guys treating me good/ a bit close with me= have feelings towards me'! Oh gosh....there goes my friendship ever since! We used to be good frens...n because of this very small (or BIG) misunderstanding, I've traded my friendship to dooms day! I've been constantly blaming myself ever since that day I had feelings towards this person...my life has changes (I wasn't as happy as before, I hated by the sight of that person and sometimes the people around him!) Why...oh why did such a wonderful friendship has ended in such a state!!!!! It's my fault, MY FAULT!!!!!!!
I shouldn't had like him!!! I should have treated him as my Buddy or what so ever!!!! Bt WHY did I put feelings into it!!!! Argh!!!!! I hate myself!!!!!!!
Now (unfortunately the cat get out of the bag), we both are like swore enemies! When times are good, we talk, joke and laugh! When times are bad (which happens a lot), we ignore each other, turn one blank eye or roll eyes at each other...the worst was bickering at each other! Sighs~ such an ending....it breaks me heart....It breaks me because I've sent my friendship into the hounds of hell!!!!! And the worst part is we can never be the same as we were b4 anymore!!!! Sob....sob....I can cry and cry....to mourn for this broken relationship, bt wat's the purpose??? What has happened has happen! We can't change anything of it!!!!!
To think of this transition...from 2 lovely friends that used to joke around, feeling happy at each other's presence, honest, open, shared each others feelings and thoughts, filling each other up in the latest outings...making sure none of us miss out.... UNTIL NOW, gloating at the presence of each other, ignoring each other, making sure that we both won't know what the other is doing, making sure that we for sure will miss out each other's outing, doubt, hate, not willing to talk to each other...etc....etc.......
Why??? Why has my friendship took such a nasty turn????? Why.....I can only do is cry...crying over spilt milk! Sigh~ my friends have told me not to even bother of this relationship anymore...Bt I remembered 'Friends are friends forever, if the Lord's the Lord of them'....I used to adore this song, how true the lyrics seems to be. Bt now, I detest this song! This song was sung at the beginning of this friendship, bt now....this song doesn't seem to mean anything to anyone of us anymore.
God, what should I do with this friendship???? I wanna keep this friendship, bt it seems none of us are willing to co-operate and the environment is forbidding us to do so....If it's Ur will to want us to end this friendship Oh Lord...Pls do it in a nice way. I don wanna be haunted by the thought tat I'm the one ruined this friendship anymore! I'm so tired....so heavily burdened....and lost! In my down times...I don even feel like keeping this friendship anymore! I'm sick and tired Oh Lord, Please help me~!
The thing that hurts the most...........IS LOSING A FRIEND!!!!!!!!!!
Learn from my mistake readers, never fall in love with your close friend!
1 comments:
haha...life is like that...but when u think back, it do gives u lots of memories, isn't it?=) This is also one of the scenery during ur this journey...
I do facing this problem as well..=) used to be very close friends, but due to relationship matter, i stay away from him, ignore him when times and no more get together like what i did during the first 2 years in uni...another so called best friend of mine as well "tag along" in this matter...but not hurting myself even more, that is what i can do ~ ignore and less contact as possible....=) But when thinking back, they were my best friends in uni and was a seasonal one..=)
God will make a way for u no matter what...HE shuts one door and sure will open the other one...HE does things in HIS time..Girl, patient and calm...Hope u will be happy always..GOD bless u..=)
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