Torn between two...soon to be into pieces if I don't take action!

Sighs...after so many months since I've felt peace within myself. Now I'm being thrown with another trial to face. It's always got to do with my personality and faith! I'm torn between what I want and what God really wants me to have/do!!!

OK, here's the case. Normally, what I want, isn't what God wants! So whenever I think that I am doing the right thing (according to my own interpretation), it will end up tragically... Few months back when I was in my internship, I fully experienced God's grace in me. Maybe at that time of hardships, only I fully realize how awesome God is and I really fully trusted Him! So, my 6 months flew by with many bitter sweet moments!

Now, being back to my Uni life, I'm being shut back to my comfort zone. I no longer see God as how I used to see Him last time. Last time, every lunch break I will spring to the chapel to spend some quality time with God, chat with Him (more like I poured out my sorrows and He replied in His way...) and find time to evaluate on my daily life, my personality and how am I treating the people around me. As for now, I'm very lazy. I wake up just to have enough time to get ready for classes, say a very brief prayer in my car/ while driving to school. Lunch break to the chapel seemed like a million years ago story. Nowadays, I hardly even do my daily bible reflections! All my prayers are just bits of pieces being compile up together, mostly just being mumbled through because I will be yawning my way and my mind is blur... Deep in my heart, I know I'm wrong and somethings will soon to pop out to alert me, just that I didn't know it will happen so fast!

Reality strikes! I am now facing back all the negative attitudes I used to have before I took a month break from my committee! You can never imagine how terrible my attitude was before that, and I thought I've get rid of that part of mine already! Unfortunately, it doesn't fade away so easily. It must be kept away with strong prayers, reflections and tonnes of MSN with God!

Today I had the worst meeting I had with my fellow committees. I'm saying this in terms of my own personality... I was seriously struggling not to shout out at others and to force them to take in all of my opinions! At some point I even wanted to leave! It's the evil side of me trying to be set free! The only thing I was holding on was keep on trying to keep out of the things they were discussing. My mind was having this inter-conflict war inside of me! Then, when I heard that some of my friends get to join in some stuffs which I wasn't being asked, I was actually hurt/ jealous/ furious! These kind of feelings weren't supposed to come out from my mind and yet it did! I was panicked when I actually acknowledge how I felt just now! These feelings didn't only started in the meeting but it started since a few weeks back! I was constantly fighting the urge to snap at people who simply didn't know how to express their opinions and I always had this thinking that maybe I'm just an invincible person who doesn't deserve people's attention! My existence is nothing!

Seriously...there are more to say but these warnings are just the start....I don't know how long will it take to fight back....I felt like the character in 'Dr Jekyll & Mr Hyde'!!!! I'm so afraid that I maybe going nuts!!!! I have to find back my inner peace. If not, I don't think I can even survive the sightliest challenge that occurs in my life.

Now, I felt ashamed to go back to God because of my doubts towards Him (it only happened recently, because I had this new theory about life-after-death, which I thought of out of the blue!). I felt like I don't deserve to be loved by Him anymore....I felt really useless, hopeless and I am really nothing! The point is, I really don't have the guts to face Him....Do you think He will actually forgive me and allowing me back? I am really a sucker....

Singapore Trip (100310)-Day 1

It was 10th of March, a Wednesday morning. I woke up at 5.45am. My bus to Singapore was scheduled at 7.30am, but my friend Daryl was going to pick me up to Yee Wern's house by 6.30am. So we all gathered at Melaka Sentral at 7.15am sharp. And our 707 bus departed on the dot! Our journey begins!!!!

Half way towards our destination, me and Daryl found out that Fr Bala was actually in the same bus as us! Haha!!!! I had it in my guts that this trip was going to be a perfect trip!

We arrived in JB around 11.30am. Here are the roads...hehe....it was my first time being there!

This was near the Singapore border.

We had some problems at the customs because one of our bus passengers left his belongings in the bus without going through the custom checks. So the officers took hold of our bus driver's passport and we were stuck there for 20 mins.

We arrived at the 707 bus terminal at QueenSt. It was pouring when we arrived. Despite of being how near our hostel is situated, we had no choice but to take a taxi there. Our hostel is with the name of 'Waterloo Hostel', it's a Catholic Welfare Building. It was being surrounded by 3 churches! We took a room with 2 single beds using a common bathroom. Its facilities were very impressing! Everything is so clean and functioning! Unlike the hostels in Malaysia which is...you know...not that good.... Being so satisfied with our accommodation for the next few days, we head off with our Singapore Trip! Off we go, me, Daryl, Rachel, Yee Wern and Adrian!

The statue along the roadside. In Bugis Junction

Our first stop was the Bugis. On our way there, we took a few pictures on the way. Singapore pedestrian side is really good! All the cars actually STOP to let us pass even though the lights were red! We weren't that used to it first because that not how things work in our country...haha!!! Anyway, Bugis was a bit like PJ Street in KL. The things that they sold were mostly 'LALAs' style, but I've found some good food there. Example, the thick patty burger which you can get at SGD2.40 and the freshly punched KIWI juice at SGD1.00! I mean, if I were to earn SGD, these food actually worth more than the costs! Plus, it tasted yummy!

Then we proceeded towards Bugis Junction where you can find the famous 'Chewy Junior'. It wasn't as yummy as my friends has described because it was really CHEWY...as in you might have cream bursting out from your doughnut while all you can do is chew all the way until you finished the whole thing! I was quite amazed at how I actually managed to finished it! haha!!! Anyway, I've found another nice thing! Which is 'Old Chang Kee'!!! I really loved their hot curry puffs with really nice stuffing inside! And the best part was I could find them everywhere!!!

Chewy Junior with their doughnuts

Me with my Lemon flavour...not knowing the disaster that followed behind...haha

After Bugis, we head on to the Merlion to take some nice pictures. It was just normal. Being able to escape the unbearably hot weather of Malacca, we were really glad when the breeze the blown was a very cooling one. On our way, we passed by Fullerton Hotel which Adrian claimed was the most expensive hotel in Singapore. At the Merlion we managed to take many pictures with all kinds of pose! Name it, from angle framing to jump shots! We took it all!!!! And we did plan to do in for the rest of the trip! haha!!!!

After Merlion, we walked towards the 'Eye of Singapore', where we walked on the F1 track while going. Unfortunately the fees to be in the 'Eye of Singapore' was very expensive, so we had to head back. Our dinner was decided to be in Geylang. A place where we could find really nice and cheap food!

On our way there, I had this MIA (Missing in Action) stun! It was after office hours when we were at the MRT. It was very packed with many people. So Adrian's instruction to us were try to get into the MRT and go down at CityHall Station. We were at Douby Ghout at that time. As the MRT arrived, I managed to squeezed my way through while Rachel and Daryl were in another compartment leaving Adrian and Yee Wern outside not being able to get in. So I was alone in the train! I stared at the stations on the ceiling and found out that were NO City Hall stops at all! I was panicked but managed to maintain my cool... Luckily my Digi line auto roamed when I entered into Singapore, so I had connections to call people. Too bad, I didn't know what was the Malaysia international number, so I was stuck. Just when I wanted to call my Singaporean friends for aid, Adrian called me. He said he mistaken the train and asked me to get down at the next station, get on the opposite train and then only get down to City Hall. So I get down at Braddells( or something like that...). I thought that MRT in Singapore is like the LRT in Malaysia, where if you want to get to the opposite train, you have to go out the station and get in from the next escalator to get to the other side. So I did that and found out I was standing beside a bus stop without any signs of MRT entrance! I was obviously scared because I was lost!!!! Luckily, I trusted with my instincts (I think God was directing) and went back to the MRT entrance which I just exited. I asked one of the passerby for the directions and she was kind enough to guide me there. When I was there, I asked another young girl to confirm it again which was...THANK GOD, it was!!! Finally when I reached City Hall, I saw Rachel and Daryl stretching their necks to peek into the MRT which I just arrived. Without telling them, I managed to make them jump from behind!!! They were hugging me after my MIA stun!!!! Adrian was apologizing for giving me the wrong directions all the way! (In my heart was like, serves you right! You nearly caused me a heart attack in the MRT!)

Anyway, we continued our way towards Geylang...half way through Rachel couldn't join us because she had a dinner date with her bf...so that left the 4 of us.

The 'Tian Ji' with porridge!

Despite of being named as the red-light district of Singapore, I found Geylang not as scary as I thought. Everyone was like doing their own stuffs, they didn't give a damp with what we were doing. So as long as you don't mess with them, they will never come to you!

Adrian brought us to this Chinese shop to taste their specialty 'cooked farm frog' aka 'tian ji' served with porridge! It was my first time tasting it and it tasted a bit like chicken but a bit bonny. As for their porridge, it was very fine and good!!!! Daryl couldn't accept the fact to eat 'frogs' so we ordered her another 'gong bao chicken cubes' for her. I had to admit, it tasted good!

Next, we had to find for their famous 'Soya drink with yao char guai'! After trials of phone calls and God knows how long we had walk (it was in Lrg 27A), we finally saw their plat! Well, it was normal if I were to compare it with the 'yao char guai' in Malacca. Their Soya Drink was thick. If being put in the way just to try, it wasn't bad! Their 'yao char guai' was very long! haha!!!! We actually took away for Rachel but we ended up bringing her the 'yao char guai' only because we totally forgotten about her drink! Argh!!! And it cost us SGD2.40!!!! Then, we took a taxi back to Bugis because we were tired from walking. Oh ya, I left my pink water bottle in the taxi too!

The Soya drink with 'Yao Char Guai'!!!!

So, from Bugis, Adrian escorted us back to our Hostel and directing us the way to get back to the MRT station! So there you go! Our first day in Singapore! We ended our day with a satisfied stomach, sore feet and a tired back...I head straight to my bed after my hot shower!!!!

Sakura Biyori

Last week, despite of studying for my midterm exams, I managed to find a place where I can actually find peace among the hustles and bustles of my preparations. It was this road to my Uni. I have to pass by it everyday whenever I need to go for classes. As I drove pass, I was stunned by the beauty of the view right in front of me.
Pink flower petals were gracefully flowing down from every directions as though I was in those 'Sakura flowers' scene which could only happen in Anime/Japan! There were two of these trees that has turned into full pink!!! It was fully bloomed with pink flowers! Then, whenever the wind blows, pink petals will come flying down. As I drove through, my scene was like passing through a stretch of Sakura Trees with Sakura petals come raining down!
Everyday during last week whenever I passed by this road, I will slow down my speed and take a good look at both trees. Then I promised myself that after my midterm, I will take a picture of it and share it in my blog! Thank God I did it!!! I seriously don't want to miss out such a wonderful thing!

Imagine what a beautiful scene it would be if all the trees there were to bloom! The road will be full of pink flowers and all the passersby and drivers like me will be drawn in completely into a realm of raining pink petals.

Oh how I wished that this scene shall remain forever...the trees are now both back to its normal condition. Full of lush green leaves, waiting for their time to be fully bloomed with flowers again!